;)
Why We Don't Entertain
Wednesday, July 2, 2008 at 2:15PM We don't invite people over to the house very often. There are several reasons for this, not the least of which being that it's difficult to hide the chains we use to keep The Goobers at the kitchen table during school hours. Then there's NorMan. Our NorMan is our wicked fierce attack hound and would as soon eat a child as look at it because we keep him tied up to a post and we only feed him every third day or so. Just enough to keep him on his toes, if you catch my drift. And then, of course, there are the people we're thinking about entertaining. The rest of this post is for them, not y'all, because I know all of my readers are as charming as all get out and I'd love to invite all of you over. Really.
First of all, an invitation to drop by at 1:00 so the kids can play (Lord, if I had known homeschooling would involve scheduling play dates for children over the age of five I never would have started. But that's a subject for another day.) does not mean I'm serving you lunch or dinner. I have carrot sticks and apple juice in the fridge, plus an inexhaustable supply of raisins. If I really, really like you, I'll bake cookies. But they will probably go uneaten because they've got white sugar in them and besides, even if you were irresponsible enough to allow your children to eat cookies made with white sugar, two of your kids are allergic to wheat and the other three are allergic to dairy. Oh, wait, Little Timmy is only picky. Whatever. Just please understand that "play date at 1:00" is not code for "dinner at 6:00."
That being said, please go home after a reasonable amount of time. I'm really trying to be a gracious hostess, and I'm glad you feel so comfortable here, but holy crap, woman! It's 4:30! Go home. Go home. I have to start dinner. There isn't enough food for 16 people. This is because I didn't invite you for dinner! I invited you for a play date! If you don't leave, I'll have to order take-out because I'm too polite (and wimpy) to turn guests out of my house at dinner time. If I order take-out for you and your walking, talking dietary nightmares children, I will have to eat beans for the rest of the week. I don't like beans. If there were any justice in the world I'd be allergic to them.
Also, a gracious hostess is required to say something along the lines of, "Oh, I never liked that vase anyway, and please don't worry about the upholstery. I'm sure that Sharpie pen will come right up." But dammit, it's hard. I really didn't like that vase, but why, oh why did you let Little Timmy rummage around in your purse? You knew damn well you had a Sharpie pen in there! And so did he, the picky little booger.
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All right, I can't leave it for another day. I just have to point out that none of this playdate crap should be necessary because all of the homeschooling families we know LIVE IN OUR NEIGHBORHOOD. We live on a military installation, so our community is surrounded by barbed wire and there is a police substation right up the street from my house. It is safe here. Truly. So why am I scheduling playdates? Because apparently I am the only mother alive who thinks kids from 1st grade on up ought to be able to play outside together without maternal interference, and that siblings do not have to be a package deal. Is this a homeschooling thing? Do mothers of traditionally educated children have to go through this? I guess they must, because we see loads of kids walking home from the bus stop, but we never see anyone over the age of five outside playing. It's crazy. But I feel better having talked about it. Whew.
angst in The Squares
Reader Comments (10)
LOL
That is odd that no kids over 5 are outside playing. Did the play date mom stay at your house the whole time too? Maybe she heard about the chains? ;)
You are so nice. I mean that. =)
Those neighbor kids need to get outside and play. They don't know what they are missing!
"Playdates" I always hated that word; still do. Playdates were over for us when the kids outgrew the habitrail at Burger King!
You can always sneak over to her house during kiddie nap time and graffiti Little Timmy's face with your Sharpie. bwahahaha
LOL That's a good idea, Sheri.
Yeah, she stayed the whole time (probably because of the chains, like Donna said.) ;) I just wish she would have taken more interest in her youngest two children while she was here. It's like they stopped existing for her when she stepped through my front door! But at least she showed up. A few weeks ago we had a family call us an hour after they were to arrive and say they couldn't come because they had slept late. It was 2:30. (I think someone must have told her about the chains.) LOL
LOL: WOW! You have graduated to chains for the Goobers?! I think when we visited it was Duct Tape and Velcro.
What a rude Mom! Maybe you should "pop in" for a visit during naptime and ring the doorbell to wake Little Timmy. Or stop by and Sharpie the front door!
I hope we were not rude when we visited. Though we did force you to order pizza for dinner.
Yeah, The Goobers are bigger now than they once were, so we need those chains.
Beth, we loved having you, and I don't think anyone could ever describe you as being rude. It would have been awful if you had left early because we were all having such a good time! I had forgotten about ordering pizza, but you know what? It was the least I could do to make up for you having to put up with Sherman the Schnauzer!!! LOL Remember how horrible he was? I just remember chatting and making cookies (see, I really, really like you!)and listening to the kids play. Oh, and Sherman. Ugh.
I'm so embarrassed - I didn't mean this post to be taken as a rebuke to my friends. :( So, if you've visited me in the past, please know this post is not about you. Unless, of course, you are the mother of the kid who broke my vase and drew on my furniture with the Sharpie pen. Then it is definitely about you.
LOL! I am much more selective about who comes over to the house now. I haven't had trouble in a long time. It could have something to do with the age of my kids, though.
You can vent all you want here. We all know that you are a nice person no matter what you write. :)
When I scheduled "play dates" it was usually at the park though the kids did have one family that they liked to go spend the day with (that mom preferred to have the kids at her house which was fine with me - she had a house that sat on 11 acres for the kids to play). I just figured that by going to the park I could leave when we were done and so could the other mom.
What a horrid mother......and child. Sharpie markers in her purse and she didn't know it? Give me a break. Nope I don't do play dates except for when I"m planning my MOPS year. My kids are certainly not socially deprived and I don't need any more kids in my house than I have already at any given time.
I hope if I get to visit you think about making me cookies. If not I will bring you some of my favorites ~ oatmeal cinnamon chip.
You are hilarious! Next time tell the mom she can come for a playdate-only if she brings chains for her kids.
Oh, I didn't think you were being rude. I loved visiting with you! We did have a good time that day. Sherman was quite full of himself! I remember he got out of the yard and we had to chase him down. I also remember K4 trying to eat all your pecan pie treats!